KarynHallMi Vida Loca: Books and More

There are people who make resolutions and those who don’t. There are those who are good at keeping resolutions and those who are not. However you do it, the New Year is a reminder that you are creating another chapter in your life.

What do you want to create? Do you want to write a book? Do you want to suffer less? Do you want to live more intentionally? Give some thought to what you want in your days and how to get it there.

Sometimes we live our days by rushing through. What we’re really doing is rushing toward death. Life IS the journey, not the end, not the finish line. The finish line is a different experience altogether. Whatever your way of living is, I hope you savor it. Squeeze every bit of joy out of it that you can. Check with you in 2013 and see what you savored.

This book comes out on December 23, 2011. Kelly is an amazing therapist and I can’t wait to read this book.

The Power of Validation, dedicated to my mother and Chris, is finally published. The book focuses on parenting young children but can be useful for anyone who wants to improve their relationships.

Yes, I know that anyone can be mindful of any activity and that we can be mindful while rushing. We can be mindful of the scarcity of time, of feeling that we can never get everything done we want to do, of searching for the keys to make it to pilates on time. But today I am grateful for slow-moving mindfulness, the kind of day that I can linger in bed, sip my tea, and read a book I love just because I love it. I am mindful of every moment of this bounty of time, of how the same hours as every other feels wonderfully unpushed and abundant with minutes to call my own, minutes that aren’t about a goal at all. Even when the niggling sneaks in that I could be writing paragraphs in one of the books I’m writing, I pay it no attention and go back to mindful reading, but reading for the pleasure of reading. Not to review a book, not to learn more, just to read. I pass some of my most wonderful hours in this way. Why do I forget?

Writing fiction requires dedication. Learning the craft takes time, practice and lots of perseverance. The person who takes three months off from his job and writes a best seller is not typical!

I’m been very blessed writing educational books. Currently two books are being seriously considered by two different publishing companies. So far I’m hitting 100% in acceptance of proposals, and in December a first book (written with a co-author) will be published.

Perhaps others who know more would disagree and perhaps they would be right. My belief is that writing educational books will help in the fiction world.I don’t mean that agents will be influenced by having a few educational books listed in the query letter, not at all. But I meet people in the publishing world and I learn a new business. I’m not at all sure this is the path to take, but it seems to be the one open to me. Maybe I will find there is a different path that is the better one for me. Sometimes the road that results fits us better than the road we think we’re choosing!

I wonder if I am alone in struggling between writing fiction and writing educational pieces? I love reading and writing fiction–love the escape, love the use of imagination and love the creativity. I relish forming new characters and giving them a world of their own. Yet I’m currently writing two, yes two, educational books that a publisher is eager to see. I am lucky that a publisher is interested, but it takes so much time from my fiction writing.

There’s not enough time to do all that I want to do. I can’t work and travel and write fiction and write nonfiction and spend time with friends and on and on.

I don’t really understand boredom. My hours are all filled and I need more. The best I can do is mindfully do whatever I am doing and savor the experience.

Time is a wondrous thing. How we spend it defines us. Perhaps I have too many identities and not enough time to define them all.

Love is so darn complicated.

Mature love is a whole different story than a young, beginning love. One of the most difficult characteristics is that you can love someone who is absolutely not good for you. So you have this incredible feeling, this wish to be oh-so-close to someone and everytime you get close something awful happens. Something hurtful. Painful. Gut-wrenching. Perhaps the person betrays your trust. Maybe s/he talks trash about you behind your back. Maybe they pull away. Sometimes we love the wrong person. Because without trust and safety, love doesn’t flourish. Oh, you might not stop loving for a long time, maybe never. But without trust love can’t help you soar and be the best you can be. Love without trust brings sadness. I believe you can love without trust, but it’s not a pleasant experience.

Then there’s love and intimacy. Sometimes we love from afar, not really involved with the person we love. If you love someone who struggles with addictions, or someone who repeatedly betrays you, then love from a distance may be the only safe option. That’s a limited love. There’s little joy in that love either.

Love without acceptance is common. I’ll love you if you lose ten pounds kind of love. Can you love someone and criticize the heck out of them? Absolutely. You can love someone and blame them, be jealous of them, and any of a number of ridiculous behaviors. The love isn’t the problem. It’s the blaming, criticizing, and ridiculous behaviors.

But a stand-up kind of love, that’s rare. When the person you love does something humiliating for them and you walk up to them and take their hand. When they make the most embarrassing goof in the company of people you respect and you kiss them on the cheek cause you know they didn’t do it on purpose.

It’s a wondrous thing when you get it. And when you give it.

Trust and intimacy are critical for the fullest love

On June 6 and 7 our DBT team attended Marsha Linehan’s conference in Austin. The conference was packed and Marsha presented the material essentially by herself for two full days. Where does she get the energy? Her new emotion regulation skills rock.

I love learning. It’s energizing and helps me keep doing what I do better. Workshops on DBT are consistently well-done and help the clinician make best use of the research in the field. Thanks, Marsha.

So hear’s the dirty truth. One of my guilty pleasure that I don’t share with anyone is that I watch American Idol. There. I said it. No one admits watching American Idol. It’s just a few notches above The Batchelorette. No one ever admits watching that, yet season after season there’s a new guy or woman cooing about meeting their lifelong mate, nevermind that few of the relationships have lasted. I mean really do they watch the show before they agree to be on it? But back to American Idol. Between Scotty and Lauren, I thought Scotty deserved it. And he seems to be a genuinely good guy who loves his grandmother When that rocker judge kept giving all the rounds to Lauren cause he thought she was pretty, Scotty just agreed with him and went on. What cool that was, and Scotty’s only 17.

I don’t know if winning is the best deal though. Sometimes the runner up seems to do better in the music world than the winner. I hope that’s not the case here. Best Wishes Scotty.

Was Scotty the most talented singer on the show? Maybe. But for my chips, Haley should have been in the top two instead of Lauren. But this year the talent overall was amazing.

I guess I like seeing normal people get a shot at getting their talents recognized. That’s a good thing.

I am amazed that in this age of tivo that so many people got up n the early, really, really early hours to watch two lovely strangers get married. Yes, it was an over the top wedding with all the elements of a fairy tale except the glass slipper and the two appear to be genuinely in love. All the elements of a lovely romance.

But I think it must have been the hats. Have you ever seen such hats? The Brits have it all over us Americans when it comes to millinery. I mean, really, this is high fashion?

I feel really badly for Fergie’s daughters. American television put them on the worst dressed list. Thank goodness no one’s around judging my grocery store outfit. Okay, well, even my Sunday best. But I have to admit I just don’t get these expensive chapeaus.

Styleite’s Justin Fenner apparently loved the hats (the photos here are his) and a couple of fashion blogs I checked agreed. Thank goodness the Huffington Post poll has over 75% agreeing that Princess Beatrice’s hat was the worst ever or I would have to believe I wasn’t seeing reality clearly.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Maybe the super rich see and understand style that I don’t begin to comprehend. I would be like the Beverly Hillbillies in that world. That’s okay with me. I can embrace that!

I can’t remember ever being bored. I am much more likely to always have too much to do rather than too little and seem to have lots of interests. My issue is having enough time to do all that I want to do.

Tomorrow is a free day for me. I can’t go to my workout, thanks to a full glass jar of peanut butter that dropped on my big toe. It’s now swollen and purple and won’t fit into my shoes. I don’t work tomorrow and I finished my edits on the book (yea!) and passed them on to my co-author. I am so looking forward to this gift of time. I can paint, I can write, I can cook, I can spend time with friends, I can do whatever I want to do. It’s like a blank canvas and I get to cover it with colors I love.

I know I’ll give myself breakfast in bed. I love breakfast. Then I’ll probably stay in bed and write for a while. Maybe I’ll read some. I have items to prepare to sell from my work website (so excited we are opening a store and offering conference classes).

Then tomorrow night I go to my writing class. I still have four left. I’ll learn something new and be so glad I went.

I am learning. Learning to live more gently, more slowly, and with less urgency. I am learning to spend my hours wisely.